One of the hardest things about studying Japanese is understanding politeness levels. While English has polite words and phrases, there are entire grammatical forms on top of vocabulary that make a sentence more or less polite that you need to remember when you study Japanese. It is important to study all levels of politeness because whether or not you use them, you are going to encounter all different politeness levels. Some curriculum teach the plain form (ru, da) first and some teach the polite form (masu, desu) first.
Politeness Levels
It is difficult to say which to start from. The plain form is much more casual and often sounds awkward without proper use of ending particles (like yo, ne, na). On the other hand the plain form includes the base form of verbs which is used grammatically even in polite speech and which makes conjugation easier to understand. While some people worry about using the plain form out of fear of sounding not polite, it is necessary to learn when you speak Japanese and you may find yourself using it very often.
The polite form is, however, the most “safe” way to speak Japanese. You can speak politely to your boss, your best friend, a stranger, a family member or a kid. It is the fool proof way to avoid offending people. That doesn’t mean it is always the most natural way to speak. Many people who study Japanese rely too heavily on it and their Japanese tends to sound less natural. Sticking to masu and desu all the time can sound very rigid.
Mixing the Politeness Levels
I find myself using a mix of the polite and plain form in most conversations. With my close friends I use about half and half. I find it really difficult to make a joke and mess around using the polite form all the time. With older people or strangers and coworkers I tend to keep my use of the plain form down or use a lot of more complicated cushion words (such as deshou, nan dake do, etc.). I do not eliminate my use of the plain form though because as a casual person it allows me to be myself a little bit more. The best thing a Japanese student can do is first to listen to how certain kinds of people talk to other kinds of people and imitate the people they feel the most similar to. It is also important to take into account what kind of person it is you are talking to. If your boss is a really casual kind of guy, it might be better to relax a bit with him/her and worry more about being understood than about desu and masu. On the other hand, if you are talking to someone who is very proper and businesslike, you might want to stick to as much polite language as you can, even if you meet them in a drinking environment.
Honorific and Humble verbs which you will hear sometimes, should generally be saved for business situations excluding one on one conversation. You will probably only need to use them when talking to clients or customers, giving a formal speech or at a serious business meeting.
Learning how to use politeness levels, while not necessary in order to be understood, is crucial to sounding natural when you speak. As you study Japanese, please pay close attention. This is one of the ways that a new language can give you a new outlook on communication so enjoy it as much as you can while you study Japanese.
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